Sunday, August 29, 2021
Alexander Papp, MD
Introduction to Patient Narratives
One type of feedback we collect from our ketamine patients is a narrative description of their experiences during the “trip”. It is hard to remember, let alone put in words, psychedelic experiences and many of our patients leave empty the box we provide for that purpose on our Experience Sheet. Many of them do write a few words, or some short expressions, such as “Beautiful” or “It was weird”. A few of our patients, however, have been able to put a lot of their experiences into words and we will presenting some of their narratives on these pages.
No two “trips” are identical, and often each one seems to create its own world. For some patients, however, a theme develops during the course of treatments. Here we present narrative reports by two of such patients.
Trips Through Sand
Initial Sensory Distortions
For this patient, the first two visits were fairly typical, featuring mostly sensory distortions:
- “Felt heavy at first, blurred vision when Ketamine effects kicked in but it did not last long. Grandfather appeared for part of the experience – at one point flowers looked like heads/faces, all talking to me (but nothing heard).”
- “At the onset and for at least 30 minutes, extremely sensitive to touch (everything felt rough and heavy) and to outside noises. The picture was unclear for the first 10-15 minutes and I hallucinated shadows on the blinds next to me.”
Development of the Sand Theme
Then the “sand” theme appears and stays with this patient throughout the rest of his treatment:
- “Auditory distortions were intense – very perceptive. At one point, briefly, I may have been out of body – very relaxed, calm – pleasant experience – kept eyes closed through most of trip – was standing at sand cliffs – everything was molded in sand.”
- “The video gets dark and unclear – so I kept my eyes shut most of this time. Grains of sand blown by wind or otherwise moving formed shapes – some solidified, some transformed into other shapes, faces -Also felt like I was a platelet moving in an artery -At one point – and for the first time, felt out of body floating.”
- “The first 30 minutes were intense. Felt as if laying in a field of soft grass with wind – floating feeling for first time – Still kept eyes shot for most of ‘trip’ – sand cliffs and grains constantly moved into shapes and faces – mostly burgundy.”
- “When the trip started, felt as if I was floating – only to be smoothly reclined on grass in a field – Many sandstone, moving sand images of my wife, son and grandson. [described feeling of holding grandson in his arms]”
- “As usual, everything moved like sand in the air or water. These movements created faces and at one point I was at the bottom of a well, looking up. Constant morphing into shapes and faces – sand, sand everywhere.”
- “Sandstone cliff images – like sand moving in a fluid – that’s how I know when the ‘trip’ is over – no more moving sand images.”
- “Sandstone sculptures … red spot on Jupiter – blood cells – those types of videos – Image comes together, solidifies, fades away – dark red, blue, purple etc.”
- “Sand sculptures again – mostly pink + purple colors this time.”
- “Again, sand sculpture appear then. disappear – they form, solidify then disintegrate. Dark red and purple are overwhelming colors for the trip.”
Trips Through the Stars
Early Sensory Experiences
Here we again see general themes of sensory distortions during the few initial “trips”, later joined by out of body feelings:
- “Colorful roller coaster through the leaves of a tree. At first it was [illegible] before I was. The colors were vibrant and the feeling was overwhelmingly safe and positive.”
- “My depth perception was off. I felt as though I were getting closer to the trees. The leaves turned into different animal shapes. In the beginning I was a little disoriented.”
- “It was a serene feeling. Overwhelmingly calm and positive experience. The concept of time was warped and there were a few out of body experiences.”
Deepening into the Star Theme
Then the theme of stars appears and stays with this patient for the rest of the treatment.
- “The stars were the backdrop. People’s faces appear out of the stars. Everyone seemed to be happy and at peace. There was so much beauty.”
- “Overall neutral experience, leaning towards positive. There was a point where I thought I was done then ‘flew’ back into the experience where stars were sparkling.”
- “I opened my eyes while wearing an eye mask and it looked like the Universe. Stars and constellations were writhing and forming shapes. It was beautiful, sad and hopeful.”
- “There was a strange feeling of my leg being above my head and of something holding me down. It was peaceful and safe. Floating through outer space.”
- “With the eye mask it was a trip through the stars. There was an overwhelming feeling of sadness and calmness. But the sadness was neutral. It was a beautiful trip.”
- “It was a different view of the starry sky. Very peaceful and serene. It took a negative turn when I felt nauseous, but the atmosphere continued to be neutral.”
Concluding Note
On a final note, both patients had a very positive overall response to ketamine and were able to discontinue visits after 14 and 10 treatments, respectively.
